The question of validation is a
relevant question. Maturity teaches us a lot about validation and being secure
in one’s own worth. I am a firm believer
of when you learn, teach. These days I am much more secure in my own skin that
I was, even 10 years ago. But this security, this wisdom came at a price and
through experience.
I remember very clearly being
young and insecure in my being, in my essence. Unsure of myself in many ways.
Granted, in some ways I was over the top secure. People who knew me back in the
day would say, but you were always confident. And yes, professionally, I was
confident in my abilities and there was no stopping me. But personally and
emotionally I was a mess. I was broken and heartbroken. Searching for love in
all the wrong places. Even today I recognize it when I see it. So, I understand
very clearly the purpose of my “going through” was so that I can relate to the
signs and symptoms when I see them today. And truthfully, I am good with that.
I am better than good, I am grateful! My stories provide inspiration for my
sharing. My stories have encouraged many young women on their journey and for
that I am grateful. And so if I had to do it all over again. I would.
But, my heart aches and
reaches out to those who are still in the grips and vices of needing others
validation. Today, I see relationships being slaughtered because of the
emotional shattering that needing and wanting validation from others can cause.
I see young women giving up and never reaching their full potential because of
their inability to see and embrace their greatness.
What we don’t understand is just how much our
present is affected by our past. Years ago someone that I cared about deeply
told me very clearly that it was not his job to validate me. For the first time
I really heard that statement and although it hurt I took it as it was meant.
Simply the truth! Humans have a need to be validated by others. It starts from
an early age. We want our parents to be pleased with us. We look up to
grandparents, preachers, friends, teachers. Little girls need their dad’s
approval and love. Little boys are just as needy if not more. Most of our lives
are spent trying to please someone and so when it comes to relationships we
look to them for validation and; unfortunately, some people are just not up to
the task. But, we have to ask ourselves,
should they be? Should others validate us?
I think in loving relationships we
nurture each other and feed each other with love and spiritual healing, but its
shouldn’t be anyone’s responsibility to validate us. When we talk about
validation we speak in terms of others substantiating our being. Others being
the reason we live. Needing others endorsement to feel okay with our
essence. There is only one person that
can substantiate your being and that is you. God already put his brand of approval
and called his creation good. So who else do you need to say that you are good?
I encourage you today to embrace
your greatness. Embrace the very
essence of who you were created to be. Stand in the mirror and smile at him/her
and declare your victory. You are all the validation you need. Your brand of approval is all that truly
matters. You came into this world alone
and you will leave alone. Your character will be the legacy left behind. Take
back your power and know that you are amazing just as you are. That is all the
validation you need.
I honor your presence on this planet but you validate you,
With Much Love,
Tonya White Johnson
