Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Who's validating you?

The question of validation is a relevant question. Maturity teaches us a lot about validation and being secure in one’s own worth.  I am a firm believer of when you learn, teach. These days I am much more secure in my own skin that I was, even 10 years ago. But this security, this wisdom came at a price and through experience. 
 I remember very clearly being young and insecure in my being, in my essence. Unsure of myself in many ways. Granted, in some ways I was over the top secure. People who knew me back in the day would say, but you were always confident. And yes, professionally, I was confident in my abilities and there was no stopping me. But personally and emotionally I was a mess. I was broken and heartbroken. Searching for love in all the wrong places. Even today I recognize it when I see it. So, I understand very clearly the purpose of my “going through” was so that I can relate to the signs and symptoms when I see them today. And truthfully, I am good with that. I am better than good, I am grateful! My stories provide inspiration for my sharing. My stories have encouraged many young women on their journey and for that I am grateful. And so if I had to do it all over again. I would.
 But, my heart aches and reaches out to those who are still in the grips and vices of needing others validation. Today, I see relationships being slaughtered because of the emotional shattering that needing and wanting validation from others can cause. I see young women giving up and never reaching their full potential because of their inability to see and embrace their greatness.
 What we don’t understand is just how much our present is affected by our past. Years ago someone that I cared about deeply told me very clearly that it was not his job to validate me. For the first time I really heard that statement and although it hurt I took it as it was meant. Simply the truth! Humans have a need to be validated by others. It starts from an early age. We want our parents to be pleased with us. We look up to grandparents, preachers, friends, teachers. Little girls need their dad’s approval and love. Little boys are just as needy if not more. Most of our lives are spent trying to please someone and so when it comes to relationships we look to them for validation and; unfortunately, some people are just not up to the task.  But, we have to ask ourselves, should they be? Should others validate us?
I think in loving relationships we nurture each other and feed each other with love and spiritual healing, but its shouldn’t be anyone’s responsibility to validate us. When we talk about validation we speak in terms of others substantiating our being. Others being the reason we live. Needing others endorsement to feel okay with our essence.  There is only one person that can substantiate your being and that is you. God already put his brand of approval and called his creation good. So who else do you need to say that you are good?
I encourage you today to embrace your greatness.   Embrace the very essence of who you were created to be. Stand in the mirror and smile at him/her and declare your victory. You are all the validation you need.  Your brand of approval is all that truly matters.  You came into this world alone and you will leave alone. Your character will be the legacy left behind. Take back your power and know that you are amazing just as you are. That is all the validation you need.
I honor your presence on this planet but you validate you,

With Much Love,

Tonya White Johnson